So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
Randomize
