We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
Randomize
