Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
Walk of Shame. In a state park.
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
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