There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
Randomize
