This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
Randomize
