The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
You can't just leave with hair like that
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
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