so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
Randomize
