u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
Randomize
