Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
Randomize
