She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
Randomize
