So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
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