Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
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