So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
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