I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
Randomize
