Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize
