I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
Randomize
