butt sex is not good for yourself don't do it
Thanks?
Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
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