video games are the ultimate cock blocker
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
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