I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
Randomize
