The Redheads category on Pornhub is my number 2 site behind facebook on google chrome. I think I have a problem
so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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