You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
Randomize
