I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
Randomize
