Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
Randomize
