Hey man sorry I got all grabby
my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
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