Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
Randomize
