apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
Randomize
