Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
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