My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
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