You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
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