I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
my sisters under your porch take her home
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
