A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
I think im going to throw up on grandma
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
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