Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
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