I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
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The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
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I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
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