oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
My social work teacher just told our class about her bicurios adventures in college
is she hot?
She is now
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
