She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
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