sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
that's an acceptable place to lick
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
Randomize
