were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
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