omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
Randomize
