please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
Randomize