last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
that is very illegal...i love you.
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