You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
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