Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
Randomize
