honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
Randomize
