I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
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