just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
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