Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
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