I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
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