she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
Randomize
