drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
Randomize
