Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
We had sex on a dog bed..
Come share oat with me in your robe
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
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