Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
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