I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
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