You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
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