Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Randomize
