i may or may not be watching the land before time
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize
