so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
I have grass duct taped all over my body
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
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