my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
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