I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
Randomize
