I can text with my tongue
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
i am craving dick and cupcakes
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
Randomize
