I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
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