i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
He looked way older than 15. He probably thought that since I have braces I was 15. Fuck. The 6 year age gap is never to be spoken about. Especially because what happened constitutes as illegal.
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
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