There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
Randomize
