We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
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