It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
Randomize
