Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
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