no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
Randomize
