My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
I wish you could order shots online.
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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