It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
porn star boner night. come get it.
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
Randomize
