If i could tip my vagina, i would.
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize
